Giving Effective Feedback

This is part 3 of my Feedback series — 

While soliciting regular feedback (series part 1) and making our hidden selves known (series part 2) are foundational to awareness, we can also contribute to a more open, trusting environment if we learn how to deliver feedback. This final post in the series offers tips and techniques.

Concepts of Giving Good Feedback

1. Give feedback ONLY to be constructive and helpful – otherwise it becomes a weapon and can tear people down. Check your motives carefully.
2. Describe only observable behaviors – don’t judge it as good or bad, or infer the person’s motive.
3. Evaluate the behavior not the person.
4. Provide a balance of positive and negative feedback, otherwise people might become demoralized, or not get the message.
5. Beware of feedback dumping. Select two or three important points you want to make and offer feedback about those points.

Steps to Giving Constructive Feedback

Whether you are initiating feedback, or the other person has requested it …

1. Briefly tell the person what you’d like to cover and why you think it’s important. Then ask if this is a good time to discuss, and if not, when they would like to do so.

• “I have a concern about.” “I feel I need to let you know.” “I want to discuss.” “I have some thoughts about.” Then…
• “May I offer that to you?” “When is a good time?”

 2. Describe specifically what you have observed, and the reactions of yourself and others.

• Have a certain event or action in mind and be able to say when and where it happened, who was involved, and what the results were.
• Begin with something positive – or something that shows empathy.
  • “I know you are passionate about this topic and that’s great – exactly why we hired you.”
•  Stick to what you personally observed and don’t try to speak for others. Avoid talking vaguely about what the person “always” or “usually” does.
  • “Yesterday afternoon, when you were speaking with the client, I noticed that you kept raising your voice.”
•  Give examples of how you and others are affected. When you describe your reactions or the consequences of the observed behaviors, the other person can better appreciate the impact their actions are having on others and on the organization or team as a whole.
  • “The client kept backing away from you, and I saw others in the room shrinking away from the conversation.” That conversational style doesn’t really fit this client’s personality or corporate culture. I’m worried about a potentially negative impact.”

  3. Give the other person an opportunity to respond.

• Pause, then ask an open ended question that allows the person to give their perspective and their reaction.
  • “I’d like to hear your perspective. What do you think?”

 4.  Ask permission, then offer specific suggestions that can help the person do better next time.  If they would like, give practical, feasible tips.

• “Might I offer some tips?” “Would you like some ideas of how to do this differently next time?”  “Next time, you might speak more slowly, pause, read the room to be sure you still have your audience with you.”

 5. Summarize and express your support

• Emphasize your main points (the things you want the person to improve or know), and reinforce your faith in them.
  • “The tone you used with the client in this meeting wasn’t effective, so next time, use a different approach. I will try to coach you through that if you like, and I know your intent is good. That means a lot, too.”
  • “ I’m confident this will get better quickly. Thank you for being open to this feedback. ”

 

The Blind Side

This is a Part 2 of my Feedback series —

There is no such thing as perfect objectivity when it comes to knowing ourselves. We have to rely on feedback from others, whether solicited, unsolicited, or even unwanted. And actually, this is a pretty natural learning technique. Think about very young children – how do they know that the things they do or say are funny, wonderful, new, interesting… Because the grownups around them laugh, applaud, or scold.

As we get older, the cues we get are much less obvious and unless we are very self-aware, we’ll miss them.   Psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham explain this through a model called the The Johari Window. It represents information — feelings, experience, views, attitudes, skills, intentions, and motivations — within or about a person. It looks at the information from four perspectives: open, hidden, blind, and unknown. The degree to which we share ourselves with others (disclosure) is the degree to which we can be known.

The Johari Window, Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham (1955)

 

• In the Open/Shared area, people recognize us for the things we also know about ourselves consciously. We move within this area with freedom and ease, comfortable that our actions and words are in alignment with what people expect from us.
• The Hidden area contains those things we usually don’t share, and when we do, it is a deliberate choice, which we make only occasionally or with a select few people.
• When we operate in the Blind area, we imagine things are true of ourselves, but these are not seen by others at all. If someone brings these up to us, we might dismiss them outright. (However, if we are open to growth, we would solicit and accept feedback.)
• The Unknown area contains those rich and complex elements that make us mysterious and interesting human beings. Neither we nor others are aware of these on a conscious level. Sometimes something from this unconscious area is revealed – we might dream or read or feel something that proves insightful to us or others.

 Why is it important to limit our blind sides, what is unknown to us? Without the protection of awareness, we’re walking around vulnerable, acting in ways that might not serve our goals or best interests. We cannot move with confidence and are forced to react rather than make the plays we really want. We might even get hurt. To know yourself and minimize your blind spot, solicit feedback regularly from people you trust to be honest with you.

Next Post: Giving Feedback

The Feedback Loop -Part I

This is a relationship business. How many times during a business day do we hear that, whether we are in a manufacturing plant or a consulting firm.   With the people aspects of work on every executive’s high priority list, it seems we are well-advised to get better at certain key relationship skills. Giving and receiving feedback is one of these critical skills to master in my view because you learn about yourself while you are bringing awareness to others and if done well, strengthening bonds. Done poorly, however, and relationships can be damaged. I think because so few of us know how to do this well, we avoid it completely. It’s time to get great at this skill. This is a three-part series you can use as a guide with some helpful tips.

Soliciting and Receiving Feedback

1. Ask often – You can arrange for feedback sessions at regular intervals. More informally, ask for feedback during or soon after specific situations.  You could include feedback as part of regular meetings with your boss and subordinates.
2. Ask for comments on your behavior – “What can I do more of?” and “What can I do less of?” and “What should I keep doing?” Ask these three simple questions of your peers, bosses, and team members.
3. Ask a varied audience – If you only ask one person for feedback, it might be worth hearing, but wait until you have more opinions before dramatically changing anything. Ask your fans and your enemies, your superiors, and your direct reports. Listen for repeated themes. That’s where your best growth opportunities will be.
4. Be specific – The more you direct the feedback, the richer it will be. Maybe you have a goal in mind. You might say, “What do you think I need to do to be ready for a promotion in six months?” Ask for the feedback that will help you most.
5. Try this as a script to gather broad, developmental feedback:

• “I’m trying to be more effective in my role. What do you think I should start doing that I’m not doing now?
• What do you think I should stop doing that I am doing?
• What should I be sure to continue doing that you think is going well?

Responding

6. Respond with “Thank you” or “Help me understand that” — the only responses if you want to keep the channels open. It’s not a two-way discussion – you’re just taking in information. If you get defensive, or start explaining yourself, stop. There will be time for that as you process the information later, on your own. In the feedback session, it’s time for taking it all in.

Next Post:  Your Blind Side